Want to become magnetic?

As you may already know, we’re all about building the best version of ourselves at the “Veriphy Confidence Corner.”

In today’s post we want to give you a review of the key lessons taught in Olivia Fox Cabane’s “The Charisma Myth: How Anyone Can Master the Art and Science of Personal Magnetism”.

Charisma is a learned behavior

If you’re already thinking ‘Well, this isn’t really for me,’ Olivia thinks otherwise, she debunks the biggest myth surrounding charisma which is that people are born with or without it… it's actually a learned behavior. 

The behaviors that drive charisma are all in body language and thus can be learned, developed and refined over time. In a recent blog post, called ‘Using body language to shape yourself’,  we dig a little deeper into it, if you want to explore the power of body language more..

Key components of charisma

Charisma is described as comprising three main components: presence, power, and warmth. To keep it concise, 

• Presence involves being fully engaged and in the moment during conversations. Pay attention to what the other person is saying, don't think about your reply or rewind something that you should have said 10 minutes ago, focus on the moment and the person in front of you.

• Power relates to one's perceived ability to influence others, influenced by factors like social status, perceived wealth, expertise and appearance. 

• Warmth refers to the ability to convey goodwill and use one's power in the best interests of others.

What’s interesting about this is that the author says you don’t need all three to be charismatic. You may already have one that comes naturally to you and makes you unique. To help you see this clearly, take these examples: Gwyneth Paltrow is a master in presence and warmth, while Rihanna and Madonna are experts in presence and power. 

Types of charisma

According to Fox, people also tend to fall under certain types of charisma which are: 

• Focus charisma: people who are excellent at listening  and making others feel heard (exemplified by good listeners like Oprah or Jimmy Fallon)
• Visionary charisma: they captivate by their vision of life and the future (exemplified by individuals with strong convictions like Steve Jobs) 
• Kindness charisma: here warmth and generosity are key, this is people who make you feel as if they would give you their own shirt of their back
• Authority charisma: associated with power and high status, such as A-list celebrities, who basically demand attention as soon as they enter a room. 

Developing charisma

Create a sense of comfort

The first step in developing Charisma involves creating a sense of comfort both physically or mentally. Eg. Make sure you feel great in the clothes you wear, take the extra time to put something on that makes you feel confident and good.

Achieve the right mental state

This is all about visualizing your desired outcome and building confidence in yourself beforehand. Our piece on body language will definitely help you with some tips to achieving this.

Make mindful choices

Every choice matters. When you are out in public every choice you make and many things that you do subconsciously will affect how people view you. This includes being aware of body language (are you picking your nails or relaxed?), posture (are you standing tall or slouched?), clothing choices (are you dressed well and appropriately for the occasion?), and maintaining focus (are you spacey or keeping everyone engaged during conversations?).

All these are helpful tips but remember that charisma is built over time and practice, which ultimately, is what really matters. To help you practice, here are a few simple things you can start working on: 

• Pause for 2 seconds before responding in conversations.
• When you feel your focus wandering, sense the bottoms of your feet to bring you back to the present moment.
• Imagine those around you in a way that will help you feel empathy for everyone, this will help you develop warmth.
• Practice mimicking body language of people when you speak with them.
• Make firm, solid and welcoming gestures. 

Prepare yourself to face the internal obstacles

Charisma begins in your mind, so you must prepare yourself to face the internal obstacles that might arise such as self-doubt, impatience, annoyance, irritation, and so on. Your internal mental states influence your body language and words, which can make or break your charisma because they define how present, powerful and warm you’ll be in a situation.

To combat such obstacles, here are a few tools: 

1. Dedramatize and realize that things aren’t that serious that you’re making them to be.
2. Destigmatize discomfort, which means that you should allow yourself to have negative experiences or to feel negative feelings because it’s a normal part of being  human. 
3. Neutralize negativity by labeling your negative feelings and realizing that your perception or thoughts do not represent reality, and they are skewed by many factors you’re unaware of. 
4. Rewrite reality by changing your perception towards negative thoughts or events to a more helpful one. Our brain makes us feel emotions based on the story we tell ourselves. So if you switch the story, you’ll change your mental state and dial your charisma back up.

This is just a summary of some of the excellent tips in Olivia’s book “The Charisma Myth: How Anyone Can Master the Art and Science of Personal Magnetism”.

We think it should be mandatory reading for everyone and reinforces our mission at Veriphy of giving you great skin, so you have the confidence to do great things.

What simple step can you take to work on developing your personal magnetism?